So You Know The 80/20 Rule, huh?

So a friend of mine on Facebook posted a note regarding the 80/20 rule most commonly recognized as a part of Tyler Perry’s AWESOME movie, Why Did I Get Married.

The note was pretty much a verbatim recital of the scene in the film where the rule is explained. While reading the note, I couldn’t help but stop at the first line: “In most relationships you will only get 80% of what you want.”

Doesn’t that sound HORRIBLE?! Why? Who decided that 80% was all that we deserve? But more importantly, what is keeping us from achieving 100%?

I know the answer.

Communication.

As a woman who understands the hard work it takes to make a marriage or relationship work, I couldn’t imagine not giving my future husband 100%.

Let’s be clear, your “wants” are not synthetic. I’m not talking about a man’s desire for blondes and double D’s. I’m talking about personality, flexibility, consideration, strength, and so on.

So how do I know what my husband wants in order to give it to him? He has to tell me.

That is the hardest thing for both men and women to grasp.

For women, rather than tell the individual what you want, you assume that your desires either mimic every “normal” woman and therefore should be pre-programmed or are not as complicated as they really are (probably because you haven’t take the time to consider what you REALLY want) and should be easily learned. In both cases you are wrong.

For men, you either assume that you won’t get what you want anyway so you decide not to ask at all or you truly believe your desires are skin deep and commit to finding women who offer 100% of those “preferences.” In both cases you are wrong.

Now, let’s consider that this very necessary conversation does occur. However, one or both parties is unable to support the other’s wishes…then what?.........Move on.

It may sound like “quitting” to you but I have to argue that we as humans are like clay. We can mold and change ourselves at our own whim (and sometimes the whim of others). I remember I used to change my handwriting almost every school year. I still change my signature often. If you can change habits like those, the ones you do without thinking, I’m prettying sure you can change your personality or your actions if you TRULY want to.

If they don’t make an effort (we always give A’s for effort), move on because that lets you know the other person does not WANT to. If this is a person you’re considering spending the rest of your life with, how can you expect them to grow with you and they won’t even grow FOR you?
I’m a firm believer that you CAN have your cake and eat it too…I still wanna know the idiot who came up with that…he should be slapped. WTF is cake for if not to eat!!

Anyway, I said all of this to say that you don’t have to settle for 80%. Encourage the 80 to increase him/herself to 100. If you have to compromise meet somewhere around 95. However, I will say that you will have a MUCH easier time getting to 100 from 80 as opposed to 20…20 has a LONG LONG way to go. ;)

BTW, MERRY CHRISTMAS, everybody!!